Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to Soroka Speaks. Coaching minds and elevating careers. We're so happy to have you here. We hope that you enjoy this episode and that it supports you to put your potential in motion.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this episode of Soroka Speaks. I am your co host, Emily, and I'm here with my beautiful and amazing, awesome and lovely coach co host, it's Claire. And today we are bringing to you an episode that we truly hope coaches your mind and elevates your career. We're talking about context and setting containers and operating in our professional lives and personal lives from a place of agreements as opposed to expectations. So we're talking really essentially about clear communication today. We're talking about setting the right context, having the right communication and what the power of doing this intentionally create.
[00:01:04] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. And I think it's really important as well if we just start off with kind of the container. And what does a container mean? Right? Because people might think, listen to us and think, what the hell are you talking about? You're talking about some shipping container girls. What are you talking about?
[00:01:23] Speaker A: Thank you for this. This is what we call. When I get into coach speak and I forget that while I may be speaking English, I'm actually speaking a different language. No, this is. That's really, really, really important. Well, I think as it pertains to me and the work that we do inside of teams, organizations, and even one on one with one on one clients is I really believe that growth and transformation happens inside of a container. And what I mean by a container is not all growth, like intentional growth, like a program that you're going to do or you're going to go away on a retreat or you're going to do a yoga challenge for 30 days or I'm talking about containers as it pertains to what you've agreed to do. Something. And the container usually involves a beginning, there's a clear opening, the middle, the journey, the process, and there's an end, there's a finish line. And I mean that in the context of like organized growth, if you will. Does that make sense? Because of course, we grow in all kinds of domains that are. That's. That are unofficial. Right. Our life experiences, those kinds of things. So we're talking about the importance of containers inside our growth and relationships in a very intentional capacity. Does that make sense?
[00:02:33] Speaker B: Yeah, it does, absolutely. And I think, you know, and I, when I think of containers as well, sometimes a. I will explain it in the way that you did and sometimes I'll also explain it in the way of when I'm building a relationship with somebody from a professional standpoint, it's creating that safe space. So it's almost like a container where actually me and the kids call it the car of truth. So when we're in car journeys, it's whatever is talked about in the car stays in the car. It's like that safe container for us and nothing's off the table. Right. It's a safe space for the kids. They can ask me multiple questions, which now they're becoming teenagers. They really are asking a lot of questions about myself and the world. But it is, you know, when I'm working with my clients, it. It is through zoom or face to face, is this is a safe space, this is a safe container. So it's. I also interpret the container in that way.
[00:03:27] Speaker A: Well said. I think that that is a beautiful example. So the power of the container is really important. Right. And I think that, you know, not to be too big for my boots over here. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. We've done a really successful job building a business around developing group programs around training, leadership and development. And I think part of our success is because we take setting the container so seriously for each person, for each group. It's important that they are cared for, you know, that we hold them resourceful, but that they understand what they're doing here. They understand the logistics, the structure, the purpose, the intention behind what we're doing. We are doing everything we can to set them up for success. And part of the way we do that is by making sure that we're holding a really tight container for each program, each participant, what that journey is like, and making sure that they have as little unknown revealed to them as possible in terms of the program, because they're going to be on their own journey of growth and development, and that's probably going to be confronting enough. They don't need to worry about, you know, who's going to be on the call or what if somebody says something, what do I do with that information and, you know, handling all that stuff up front, which is also what's part of the container that we set and create and the importance of it.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: And I think, you know, that's what we do obviously within coaching, but I think if we to make that also relatable within businesses and for other leaders as well, it's creating a container and creating that space. Maybe.
I wonder if we can relate that to perhaps performance reviews, for example, you know, making sure that there's the dedicated time and there's the safe space. You know, everything is discussed confidential, confidentiality wise within that, say, one hour of performance review. Everything is forwarded within the correct procedures. Nothing's discussed outside. There's no manager to manager chatting in the middle of the open office about somebody's performance review. It's making sure that as a leader or as a team lead that you are making, making your employees and those that work for you, making sure that they feel safe, making sure that they can trust you and that you have their best interest at heart as well. And whether that is the container of, you know, their career within your business or whether that is, you know, something as specific as a performance review, which most companies do annually. I know some are more frequent, some are less frequent, depending on the size of the business, but it's setting that. Yeah, for me, it's setting that container and making sure that everybody feels safe. They feel heard, they feel understood. When we've talked about this before, I think about, you know, when you show up, make sure that you've got that undivided attention as well, that they feel heard by you, you feel heard by them. I think that's also really important. You're not distracted by other things. You're not distracted by phone, you're not having people knock at the do or the door's not open, you know, when you're having big conversations. I think that's also really important as a leader to, to consider and notice how you show up in those instances.
[00:06:49] Speaker A: I love it. It's like you're just really naming all the ways in which we create containers or don't. Right. I, you know, I was thinking about how important trust is when it comes to performance. Not only performance reviews, but, you know, you kind of mentioned what I was hearing as this, you know, distinction around psychological safety. And in order for people to do their best, they need to feel safe because we don't do our best without growing and having setbacks and mistakes and failures. So the importance of like, trust there too, as it relates to performance and the ability to kind of get, get messy. And that kind of brings us to our, like, the distinction that we, we love and I think relates and is important here is really recognizing and being responsible for. Am I operating from a place of agreements? Right. What's the container that's been set? What are the agreements that I've agreed to within the container? Or maybe like, things are a little more laissez faire and if you had to name it, you might observe that people operate, are operating, or you are operating more from expectations, which means that your deadlines and deliverables are ambiguous. Not all stakeholders are privy to the clear what, by when, or what success looks like. So these are all aspects of containers and I think how we can cultivate the best performance in ourselves and others. I know. You know, what's interesting is that agreements are the only way that we can hold each other accountable.
And we need to be really, if we're going to be top performers and doing big things in our life, then we've also got to get really good at the ability to redesign our agreements when they've been broken or, you know, as new information arises or other variables come into play. We also need to be skilled at the ability to refine our agreements so that we're continuing to operate inside of them and not then bleeding into expectations. But that's my soapbox on agreements versus expectations and how important I think they are. What do you notice in terms of, like, the impact of operating from one or the other?
[00:08:59] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, for me, when you operate from expectations, like you say, it's ambiguous, right? You may not be on the same page. And if you're not on the same page, if you haven't got the same understanding of deliverables, deadlines, the way that something is expected to be presented, for example, there's going to be a breakdown in communication, potentially, then a breakdown in communication has the potential of breaking down in trust. So when we have a breakdown in communication, so if there's something within the expectations, you know, my understanding and your understanding, Emily, of a conversation and an interpretation of that conversation may be slightly different. If we operate from what we hear, and quite often there's that saying of, there's my truth, your truth, and then somewhere in the middle is the actual truth. And that's similar for the expectations. What I expect to deliver may not be the same as what you're expecting to receive. And because we're hearing and thinking something different. And so where you come from, you know, a complete different expectation, there can be a breakdown in communication. There can be a disappointment, a frustration that's impacting the way that you're communicating with each other. And I think that, you know, in the most severe of cases can be a breakdown in trust, and that's hard to rebuild.
[00:10:25] Speaker A: So I think you're also highlighting, like, clear communication and what, what I was thinking, what I was imagining when you were saying that is the ability for us to be able, especially in our team, like in a professional environment, where there's like, like high Higher stakes, you know, relatively speaking, of course, is the ability to have people, like, regurgitate back to you what's been agreed upon or what the defin of success looks like. It's like, if I tell you fruit salad with, you know, kiwis, bananas and grapes, you don't come back and say, fruit salad with strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries. Right. It's like, but I thought. But we agreed on fruit salad, right? Like, this kind of, you know, the way that we have can so easily misinterpret each other when we don't have clear communication. And we usually don't have clear communication because we're avoiding some form of discomfort. And so I was chuckling to myself because I'm a big reality TV fan in my, like, downtime, there are certain shows that I absolutely love. Love is Blind is one of them. And in this Most recent Season 8, the one from Minnesota, Minneapolis, was at the reunion. This couple is talking about, like, they parted ways. And she was thinking they were still together and he was going to be on his way, like, the next day to meet her in Nashville on a flight because she was driving and was walking away from the conversation like, they broke up and, like, completely, like, wasn't in communication. And I'm like, how do you walk away from that conversation with misunderstood agreements of what is actually happening? So I think that's just a hilarious example.
[00:12:09] Speaker B: That's wild how different that is. That is wild.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Right? So it's like, can you imagine if in that conversation she was like, so what did you just hear? And he's like, I just heard that we're broken up. And she. What did you just. Here. I just heard that you're going to fly to Nashville tomorrow and stay between two to four, two weeks to two months or something. Like, wow.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: And then isn't it funny that, like, there's that saying, like, you know, we hear what we want to hear, or, like, you know, how many people are doing that?
[00:12:37] Speaker B: Yeah. And we do. And that's the thing sometimes, isn't it? And it's recognizing that. And I think you touch on an important point about almost repeating it back. So before you leave a conversation, it's like, just so I understand, X, Y, Z, abc. Just to be totally clear. And quite often we don't do that because we're so busy and we're in a rush and we're like, nailed it. Got it. No worries. But you were also having those background conversations and hearing the parts that we want to hear that may you Know, just add a little sugar on top of pancake. You know, that may not actually have been said and I think that's where we have to go back to that agreements and where it's so especially if it's something big or it's a big project or a big deliverable, following up in an email or in a slack message or in a, you know, putting in a ticket in a sauna or Jira or how whatever your company uses, just bullet points, summarizing, you just think you're working on something. Say, you know, you're working on a big deliverable or a big prod, you know, something a big project or a, I'm thinking like a presentation, something like that you get to the end of the week now dance Friday afternoon, drop that in your managers. This was totally not what I was expecting and you've handed it in like with an hour to spare on a Friday afternoon. And it's totally not what they were expecting because you know, you had the conversation five days ago, you thought you nailed it. There's nothing in writing who's right and who's wrong in that instance. And then what are you going to do?
[00:14:08] Speaker A: Well, who's, who's accountable? And that's, you know, and. Yeah, and I think, you know, you didn't say this word, but it's what I, it's just, it's documentation. Agreements need documentation, you know, and documentation can help provide clarity. And then I think the other thing that prevents us from operating in clear agreements is people don't want to look stupid. So they don't ask clarifying questions. They think they, they just interpret or think they know the answer. So the other thing that I was hearing and what you were saying was like the importance of making sure that there is a clear and agreed upon vision of what success looks like relative to the task or project at hand.
[00:14:47] Speaker B: Yeah, but that loops back what you're saying to setting a container is, can be a time stamp, but it can also be that safety element and that trust element. Right. It's creating a space that the person that perhaps doesn't understand feels safe enough and secure enough to say, I don't really understand or I don't. I have a question. And that's really, really important. And that could be their own self confidence and, and work to do around themselves. But as a leader, it's your job to make sure that it lands what you're asking lands. And ask that question. Does it make sense? Do you have any questions? Would you like me to repeat it again? That extra one minute, two minutes can make all the difference.
[00:15:31] Speaker A: Yeah. I love it. So trust the power of setting container agreements, clear communication.
But most importantly, watch love is blind. Those are the takeaways from today's episode.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:15:49] Speaker A: Now, all joking aside, we hope that you got some tools and some insight or just some, you know, affirmation or confirmation around ways in which, you know, you know, you strive to operate or where you see success prevailing in light of such tools that we have discussed today. So thanks for joining us on this episode of Soroka Speaks. We will see you on our next episode. And we thank you for being here.
[00:16:13] Speaker B: Thank you so much, everyone.
